If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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