Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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