i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
