im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
