Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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