After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
