Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
