Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
