Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
