I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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