Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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