so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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