Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
