If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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