dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
