In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
