Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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