so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
