At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
