I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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