It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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