I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
