Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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