Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
