i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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