So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
