I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
