some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
