And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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