tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
