around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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