Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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