spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
