I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
