just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
