About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
