My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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