kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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