Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
