no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
