When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
