final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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