Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
