I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
