Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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