quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
