can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
