Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
