why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
