My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
