Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
