Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
