He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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