I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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