non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
