I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
