All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
